Self-Massage for Sensual Embodiment
How often do you intentionally touch yourself with true self-honouring reverence? I’m betting it’s not nearly enough.
In this episode I’m sharing one of my favourite ways to honour my body every single day, the practice that instantly connects you with your innate sensuality.
It’s powerful, potent and 100% free. This simple practice is easy to slip into your daily routine with no fuss and is incredibly effective at getting you in touch with yourself on a deeper, more intimate level.
This podcast is for YOU, so if you ever have any questions you’d like me to answer on the show, or topics you’d like me to cover – reach out to me on email here or over on instagram @eleanorhadley
Links & Resources
Join The Art of Seduction Waitlist
The Art of Sensual Movement Online Course
→ Use code PODCAST for 15% off
To book be for speaking engagements of workshops (in person or online), email media@eleanorhadley.com
Start your journey to explore your own personal pleasure language with my free quiz, including a bonus worksheet with journaling prompts to help you dive even deeper. Take the quiz now: www.eleanorhadley.com/pleasurelanguage
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sensuality Academy Podcast!
The Sensuality Academy Podcast is edited and produced with thanks to Music Producer/Mixer, Matthew Hadley. You can find his work at www.matthewhadley.net
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Episode Transcript
Welcome to episode 28 of The Sensuality Academy Podcast! It’s so lovely to have you here with me.
Let me ask you a question. How often do you touch yourself?
No, not like that. …. It is, it is like that. Both.
Do you intentionally touch your body regularly? I’m talking meaningful, loving touch. Not just incidental touching when you wash you hands or scratch your leg.
Today I want to share with you one of my favourite ways to honour my body every single day, the practice that instantly connects you with your innate sensuality. It’s powerful, potent and 100% free. This simple practice is easy to slip in to your daily routine with no fuss and is incredibly effective at getting you in touch with yourself on a deeper, more intimate level.
So what the hell is it, Eleanor? My friends it’s the simple art of self-touch.
The topic of self-touch is really not something that's often spoken about. We all know how great massages are though, and will happily pay someone else to provide that touch for us.
But we're taught from a young age that it's inappropriate to touch ourselves sensually - let alone sexually. And we're taught that it's vain to luxuriate in our physical bodies. That somehow it’s selfish or self-involved to prioritise our own damn pleasure and to enjoy what is inherently ours.
Well, I call bullshit on that.
There’s nothing more beautiful than appreciating your body by touch. It the fastest way for you to get out of your head and drop in to your body, it’s incredibly grounding. It’s an act of self-honouring, of nurturance and deep self-intimacy.
Esoterically speaking, our hands are extensions of our heart chakra - so to intentionally touch, massage and caress our own bodies is a direct act of self-love. You are infusing your energy with love. How beautiful is that?
I think too often we rely on others to fulfil our desire for touch. I know a lot of us are seriously missing touch because of this whole pandemic situation. Not just sexual touch, but simply hugs, holding hands, having a loved one brush your hair from your face, a touch on the arm during conversation, the closeness of your feet touching under the table while you play footsies, or the comfort of having some sitting next to you, sleeping next to you. Touch from others is wildly important and there are plenty of studies that show how vital it is to humans. But - today, we’re taking the focus inwards and exploring how we can give ourselves that comforting touch to cultivate a deeper relationship with ourselves and this is an important thing to do at all times not just when you are craving someone else’s touch. This is a self love practice.
I want to also clarify the difference between sensual self-touch and sexual self-touch. Both are incredibly important and as necessary as one another. One isn’t better than the other. They go hand in hand.
I view sensual self-touch as an act of deep self-love and appreciation. It’s about mindfulness and awareness of the connection between the body and the breath.
Sexual self-touch is absolutely an act of deep self-love and appreciation as well, it's often for the purpose of sexual pleasure.
Today we’re going to focus on sensual self-touch, because honestly self-touch and self-pleasure could be an entire episode of its own. And it likely will be in the future. Sensual self touch is something that can lead to sexual self-touch if you so choose. But that’s not the goal and that’s not what I will be focusing on today.
Sensual Self-Touch
To touch ourselves and our bodies sensually is to cultivate a deep sense of connection, acceptance and love for your physical body. There are many ways to indulge in sensual self-touch, here are five of my favourites. I’m going to start things off with the vanilla techniques first and then get a little more decadent. Remember that vanilla is a delicious flavour though, so you can choose which practices resonate most with you.
First up is, in the form of Self-Massage - Abhayanga - this is an Ayurvedic practice so Ayurveda is the traditional Indian medicine which is also referred to as the Science of Life and in Ayurveda self massage or Abhayanga is seen as a pillar exercise and it’s encouraged as a daily routine, part of a daily routine you do each morning.
Abhayanga is about moving your lymph, increasing your circulation, relaxing your nervous system and loving and respecting your body.
The main purpose of Abhayanga and the specific strokes in this routine are to soothe and simulate the tissues and to connect through the skin to the inner organs and systems and kind of get things moving.
They actually recommend with Abhayanga to use warmed up sesame oil for this practice but you could also use coconut oil or any other oil that your skin likes.
I’m not going to go too deep into Ayurveda in this episode because it is a whole topic but I’m going to take you through a short Abhayanga routine.
With Abhayanga you don’t want to do this when you are sick or when you are menstruating so this is how you would perform an Ayurvedic self massage on yourself.
Here’s how:
1. Warm up the oil (optional) -
Approx. 1/4 cup in an oil warmer, or place the cup of oil in a bowl/ larger cup of hot water, or heat in
pot on stove.
Oil should be warm but not too hot.
2. Be in a warm room.
Sit on a towel and/or yoga mat. It gets a lil messy, because you want to use quite a lot of oil so make sure you use something you’re not attached to if it stains.
You can also do in bathroom or bath.
3. Sequence
[Full] Head, Face, Neck, Chest, Stomach, Back, Arms, Hands, Thighs, Calves, Feet, Toes
Limbs = Left side first (for women), RHS first for men
[Short] Crown, Ears, Hands, Soles of feet
4. Strokes
Long strokes up and down on the limbs and back.
Circular motions on joints,organs and vital points (mostly always clockwise direction).
5. Leave Oil on
Minimum leave oil on for 8 mins.
Maximum leave oil on for 45 mins (this time is ideal).
It is important to wash or wipe off the oil afterwards so that the toxins that have been pulled out are not reabsorbed.
Amazing way to connect with self and show yourself some love. A beautiful thing to do during abhayanga is repeating affirmations to yourself as you massage your body. This could be anything lovely that you want to say to yourself, about your body or just yourself in general. A personal fave of mine is to repeat the Hawaiian Prayer known as Ho’o’pono’pono which is as simple as repeating, in any order the phrases “I’m sorry”, “Please forgive me”, “Thank you”, “I love you”. I find this to be a really powerful way to recognise that you may have been unbind to your body in the past, but are now choosing to honour it. Give it a try and let me know how you go.
So that’s abhayanga. Now, let’s make things a little more sensual shall we?
A sensual self-massage can truly be as simple as it sounds. Just tuning in to your body and massaging wherever feels good, where there’s tension that needs releasing - without a sequence. The difference here though between how you may have massaged yourself before is that magic word, my favourite word of all…sensual. Take your tiiiiiime. Don’t rush this. It’s about connecting with and honouring your body, remember?
I’m a huge advocate for treating yourself as you would like a lover to treat you. Touch yourself like you’re exploring yourself for the first time, marvelling at the wonder that is your beautiful body.
Something really fun to experiment with is Elemental Touch. This is a practice that I encourage you to explore for yourself - and once you have, you can also take this in to the bedroom to explore with a lover.
So what is elemental touch? Great question.
Elemental touch
Refers to the way you can embody the five elements with your touch. Earth, fire, water, air and ether. This way of looking at touch allows you to also create a great vocabulary to share and use with lovers in the future to describe what kind of touch you desire. Another feather in your sexual communication act - you’re welcome!
So, let’s go through the five elements.
First we have Earth = firm, akin to a firm massage, or even a deep tissue massage. It’s deeply grounding touch.
Fire = signifies a more scratchy type of touch. Think of being in the heat of the moment with a lover, that almost animalistic desire to dig your fingernails in to their back and scratch. But, this could also be a higher touch, using the fingernails to create a unique sensation against the skin.
Water = this is all about the motion. Think of using the fingertips to sweep and sway across the skin in a fluid, flowing manner
Air = this is the most gentle touch. Think barely there, very light, almost tickling type of sensation. This could also include the use of breath on the skin, gently blowing the create a delicate sensation that causes goosebumps that moment of holding your breathe.
Ether = this is touchless touch, it’s energetic. For anyone familiar with reiki, you’ll understand how powerful it can be. This is where you hold your hands just about 1-5 centimetres from the body and tune in to the subtle waves of energy that emit from you palms. It’s quite powerful and very intimate. It’s something that you might not feel immediately or you might feel this very strongly but explore with it.
Use your intuition when experimenting with elemental touch and see which resonates most in the moment - recognising that different moods and times of the month will lead you to gravitate to different types, always keep them all on the table and see which one you feel like in each moment.
Use your breath to guide you as you touch yourself, close down your eyes and luxuriate in it.
Now, let’s move on to the beautiful practice of breast massage….
This is taking your sensual self massage to a whole new level. So for those of you with breasts tune in, those without that’s fine. You can listen along and you might learn something to share with someone else in your life.
Breast Massage
Most of you may be familiar with the idea of a self breast exam - checking your breasts once a month (usually just before ovulation) for any lumps of bumps as a preventative measure for breast cancer. Keep doing this. But today we’re talking about a full on breast massage.
I wrote a blog post on this years ago on my old website as part of The Ritual Series, and wanted to share this practice with you today as an addition to your sensual self-massage.
I’ve had many coaching clients of mine confide in me that they have a poor relationship with their breasts. One client told me that she has never liked her breasts and wasn’t comfortable showing them to her partner either. She didn’t have a relationship with them and wasn’t proud of them. I know many people feel the same way - perhaps you can resonate.
For those of us with breasts, we're often lead to believe that they exist for two purposes only: breastfeeding and for the sexual gratification of the male gaze. But, I’m here to tell you that they are yours first and foremost - before anyone else has the pleasure of benefitting from them.
So reclaim them, they are yours.
I’m going to say that again - your boobs are yours to enjoy. And you are allowed to enjoy them. You have complete permission and there is nothing wrong with appreciating, honouring and taking pleasure in your boobs. That goes for your whole body, too.
But, why bother with a Breast Massage anyway?
There are SO many benefits of breast massage on the physical, emotional and spiritual levels, here are a few reasons to add this to your self-care routine:
Creates connection to and appreciation of your body - specifically the breasts
Your chest corresponds to your heart chakra, so self-massage energetically open the heart-space
Flushes the lymphatic system around the breast tissue
Detoxifies the breasts
Promotes healthy breast tissue
Strengthens your feelings of self-love
Connects you with your heart centre
Helps to balance hormones
Increases blood flow to the breasts
Relieves breast pain (or mastalgia)
Activates pleasure chemicals in your brain (eg oxytocin and dopamine)
Allows you to experience more pleasure
I will do an episode in future about orgasms specifically but nipplegasms are totally a thing and sensual breast massage is really a great way to kind of awaken the senses around your breasts. If this isn’t an area that you haven’t experienced pleasure in the past specifically if this is an area where you have experienced pain and you would like to open yourself up to experiencing pleasure.
Breast massage is a really beautiful practice that you can easily do every day. You can keep it simple and fuss-free with a few minutes first thing in the morning, before or after a shower, or you can incorporate it into an elaborate self-care ritual. It’s totally up to you!
Begin by gently cupping both your breasts, gently feeling their weight, however subtle or significant. In circular motions, gently massage your breasts leading upwards on the inside edge towards the heart, and downwards on the outer edges. The stimulating motion of self-massage releases the love hormone, oxytocin, and subsequently feelings of love toward yourself will heighten so channel this energy and tune in to any emotions or thoughts that may arise.
Then, switch direction. The opposite direction - upward on the outer edge and downward on the inside - will encourage heart expansion and radiance.
There is really no wrong way to do this, so simply allow yourself to massage in any way that feels nourishing while breathing deeply and intentionally. Experiment with types of touch, massage the nipples, up along the chest, down the sides. Make it your own, you have full permission to explore.
Remember - your breasts are yours. You are allowed to honour them and show them love. So, take some time and enjoy!
Now, I’m going to guide you through a step by step of a sensual self-massage. I’m a huge fan of making everyday things into a ritual. This is simply about doing something with intention, presence, purpose and reverence.
Sacred Space
As with all rituals, it’s always beautiful to start by setting up your very own Sacred Space. This will help you to drop in deeper and cultivate a more intentional connection with your chosen ritual.
Set up your environment to enchant the senses - think about how it looks, smells, feels, sounds - making it as pleasurable and luxurious as you can. Check out episodes 8 and 26 for more ideas on engaging the senses.
Choose Your Oil
Massage is always better with some oil. Depending on your body type and preference you could choose a cooling oil like coconut or a more warming oil like sesame. Or you might have a specific massage oil you’d like to use.
You might also like to add a few drops of essential oils to your carrier oil to invoke the senses even more. Just make sure they’re good quality, 100% pure and skin safe oils and always use diluted.
Tune In
Begin by closing your eyes, placing your hands on your heart and tuning in to your breath. This is the time to set your intention for your practice. You could be intending to send love to your body, to open your heart, to become more confident in your body, to step into your power, to experience deep pleasure. This practice is all about showing yourself a whole lot of self-love, so tune in to your intention and allow yourself to give and receive this self-love.
Massage
Now, simply allow your hands to move where they like, intuitively massaging anywhere on your body. Take your time here, you’re not in a rush and this isn’t something to tick off the “self-care to-do list”. Move your hands gently and intentionally all over your body, perhaps focussing on one area at a time and finding places you may not have really paid attention to before.
Now, a couple ways to make your sensual self-massage even more juicy.
Mirrorwork
Depending how you feel, you may or may not like to do your massage in front of a mirror. Completely naked in front of a full length mirror is absolutely amazing. It’s a beautiful way to connect very deeply with your body and show yourself that amazing self-love.
Many of us actively avoid looking at ourselves in the mirror. Seeing yourself naked in the mirror may be triggering for you, so if this is the case, go into the practice using intentional affirmations and create a safe, supportive environment first.
If you feel unsure about this, begin without the mirror and then as you develop a more loving relationship with your body, you can start to move in front of the mirror. Working with a mirror for this practice will amplify your ability to foster deep appreciation and reverence for your body - so definitely give it a go.
Music
My favourite way to amplify literally any sensual practice is through music and movement.
Check out my sensual playlists that I’ve linked in the shownotes for some inspiration or perhaps you’d like to play some meditation music in the background. Or maybe you feel called to bask in the silence with your breath as your soundtrack.
Throughout your sensual self-massage, it’s super powerful to allow your body to move, in what I like to call a moving meditation. If you’re familiar with my signature movement practice, Sensual Yoga™️, you’ll know the subtle movements of gently swaying your hips, rolling your head and circling your chest. Allow your body to move gently and intuitively as your hands caress and explore your body. It’s a pretty delicious feeling.
When you feel complete in your exploration and your sensual self massage, take a moment to tune back in with your breath, your intention and send some gratitude to your body.
Timing
A few ideas of when to do this.
First thing in the morning, before you hop out of bed and perhaps before you even open your eyes, take a few moments to simply caress your body and gently massage yourself. This would be a version sans oil but I love waking up by showing my body some love! It’s literally the first thing I do each morning, it’s become super instinctual for me.
Before getting in the shower. This is a great time to do it, especially if you are doing a full body self-massage or abhayanga with oils. Using oils like sesame for self-massage is a great way to detoxify the body and this timing allows you to wash off the oils, and subsequent toxins that were released during your massage, in the shower afterwards.
After a shower can also be a nice time for a breast massage ritual. You’ll be fresh and clean and can indulge in a scented essential oil combo or a scented oil to really amp up the self-love vibes. You can even just use your daily moisturiser as a quick way to show your body some love while doing a simple thing you may have previously done mindlessly.
Doing this practice in the morning will set you up for the day and help you feel confident and hold yourself proudly. Whereas the energy of a night time ritual could be more sensual, slow and nourishing to send you off to sleep after infusing yourself with love.
And that’s it…your Sensual Self-Massage Ritual. I hope you feel inspired to show yourself some loving touch, be sure to get in touch to share how you went if you try it.
Before I say goodbye, I want to share with you a super exciting project I have coming up. If you follow me over on instagram, you’ll know that I recently hosted an epic event called PUSSY POWER where we explored Sensual Yoga, vulva anatomy, orgasms, pleasure plus a full lap dance tutorial. It was such a great day and since posting a video of the lap dance routine when I was demonstrating on a wonderful volunteer participant - I’ve been FLOODED with requests from you all to learn more.
I’m here to serve, so your wish is my command. I’m so excited to announce that I’m currently in the process of creating an online course for you, called The Art of Seduction. In this course, I’ll be teaching you how to:
Make magnetic eye-contact
Seduce yourself and your lover
Create a sensual space
Embody your femininity
Confidently command the room
Give a sensual, empowered lap dance
Master a sultry striptease
And Ignite your inner seductress
It’s going to be a juicy course and I can’t wait to share it with you! If you’re interested, check out the link in the show notes to join the waitlist. If you join the waitlist, you’ll be the first to hear when it drops, you’ll be given priority access to the course, plus early bird pricing and extra special bundles to get two courses at a special price. So be sure to get yourself on that waitlist now! The link is in the show notes.
If you’re listening to this episode in the future, then the course may already be out so be sure to check the shownotes and also my website: eleanorhadley.com to find more details and if enrolment is open.
If you’d like to start your sensual journey sooner - my signature online course, The Art of Sensual movement is available to enrol now. This course teaches you the foundational moves of Sensual Yoga and will be extremely helpful for you in mastering The Art of Seduction.
If you get started in this now, you’ll still receive special pricing to add The Art of Seduction once it's released too.
Check out the show notes for links. Plus - because I love you for listening to the podcast and appreciate you oh so much, I’d love to gift you with 15% off this course. Simply use the code PODCAST at checkout.
In other news, I’m currently working on an East Coast tour - bringing my workshops about Sensual Yoga, Seduction and Sensual Sex around to Sydney, Newcastle, Byron Bay, Gold Coast, Sunshine Coast and Brisbane. If you’re in any of these areas, be sure to reach out in a DM and let me know so I can keep you posted. If you know a venue or would like to host me too, reach out at media@eleanorhadley.com. All the information will be in the show notes.
Along with events and workshops, I’m also available to host Pleasure Parties - think like a Tupperware party but wayyyyy sexier. All you need to do is get a group of friends together at your home, or on zoom, and I’ll come and teach you all about how to have better sex, the various types of orgasms and prioritising pleasure. These can be in person and online so reach out if you want to organise something. I’ll pop some links in the show notes too.
Okay, that’s all from me this week! Wishing you total sensual embodiment, enjoy your massages!
And as always, stay sensual!
