What does Sensuality Really Mean?
In this episode I share with you what Sensuality really means and why I believe it is so important for us to discover our sensual selves. I’ll also share:
The typical definitions of ‘sensuality’
My new and improved definition of sensuality
The three expressions of sensuality
The difference between sensuality and sexuality
How to become more connected to and aware of our internal, external and interpersonal worlds
How to drop more into your body, and out of your head
How being more sensual will lead to better sex
This podcast is for YOU, so if you ever have any questions you’d like me to answer on the show, or topics you’d like me to cover – reach out to me on email here or over on instagram @eleanorhadley
Links & Resources
If you’d like to tap into your five senses to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love – check out my free 5-day challenge, Journey to Self-Love at eleanorhadley.com/journey
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Sensuality Academy Podcast!
Subscribe
Are you subscribed to the podcast? If you’re not, I’d LOVE for you to do that today – it’s free! When you subscribe, you’ll be notified when new episodes are released and always have the episodes ready and waiting for you! Simply hit the ‘subscribe’ button in your podcast player or click below.
Click here to subscribe in iTunes
Click here to subscribe in Android
Leave a Review
Can I steal your attention for another two minutes? If you found this episode helpful, I’d love for you to leave me a review! Reviews help me know what makes you tick, and also helps me share this magic with more beautiful souls (plus, I do a little happy dance every time I get a review!)
Just click here, then select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know what you love about the podcast. Thank you!
Episode Transcript
Hello hello, and welcome to episode number three of The Sensuality Academy podcast. Now in this episode we’re talking all about … you guessed it, sensuality. Now, I know that this is a little bit obvious — it’s The Sensuality Academy podcast, of course we’re going to talk about sensuality at some point (at all points!) — but this episode is all about what the hell sensuality really means, and why I believe it is so important to the point that I created an entire business around sensuality. It’s very near and dear to my heart the topic of sensuality, and I believe that it is integral. I think that it is something that can be so powerful in deepening our connection with ourselves and creating that sense of reverence for ourselves and others. So, let’s talk about it — what is sensuality?
Now, I’m going to give you a little bit of background as to why this even came up first because back when I owned my pole dancing studio and I first had the idea for the movement practice that I created called Sensual Yoga, I had the idea for it and I thought, “Hmm, what would I call this?” I knew I wanted yoga in the title because I wanted it to be this practice that seemed to be accessible and not as scary as pole dancing was perceived to be by many people, and I wanted it to really describe that it was a practice that is really sexy and really feminine. But sexy yoga didn’t really work for me. It definitely sort of describes it — sensual yoga is sexy as hell! — but I feel as though the word sensual, when that came up for me I thought, “Ah, that is perfect!” because sensual feels a lot more intimate, it feels a lot more internal than sexy, for example.
And so when I decided, “Okay, I’m calling this practice Sensual Yoga”, I decided to look up the definition of sensual … and to be honest, I was not impressed by the dictionary definition because it didn’t have the depth and the soul that the word really meant, for me. So the dictionary definition of sensual … I’m gonna read out a few, so see what you think.
1. “Pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal; fleshly”
That’s one. There’s six.
2. “Lacking in moral restraints; lewd or unchaste”
Can I get a hell no to that?
3. “Arousing or exciting the senses or appetites”
Mhm, okay, kinda.
4. “Worldly; materialistic; irreligious”
Irreligious? Okay, interesting.
5. “Of or relating to the senses or physical sensation; sensory”
Yeah, okay, bland, mhm.
6. “Pertaining to the philosophical doctrine of sensationalism”
Okay, so these six definitions that I found on dictionary.com just did not hit the mark for me. To me, sensuality is sooo much deeper, so much more internal, so much more intimate.
So I believe that sensuality, to be sensual, is, yes to be of the senses, but it’s also to be deeply connected to, and aware of, our internal, our external, and our interpersonal worlds. That is what I believe sensuality to be, and as I was really diving into this idea of owning the word sensual and eventually becoming a Sensuality Coach, I decided to create my own definition — you know, just get rid of that old definition (the one on dictionary.com) and start fresh, because I know that the way that I see sensuality, the way that I have seen it expressed in my classes by my students, sooo much more than those old definitions or the way that a lot of people think of sensuality. A lot of people, when I was asking them, “What do you think sensual means?” they’re like, “Oh, it’s like sexy, like sexual,” and I was like “Okay, not quite,” and I’ll talk about that in a little bit. But I decided to create three expressions, or to identify three expressions of sensuality in my own personal definition of the word sensual or sensuality — and those are mindfulness, body-love, and empathy.
I decided that these three components are ways that you can express your sensuality and really dive in, and again it goes from that internal to the external to the interpersonal, and this is a theme that really runs through a lot of my work — I start with the internal, we then move to the external then we move to the interpersonal. It’s a growth but it always starts from within. It’s always this journey of my internal world to THEN I can think about the external (the physical, my body), and then from there once I cultivated those relationships then I’m talking interpersonal and my relationships and my communications.
So the three expressions of sensuality. Mindfulness: to be truly of the senses, bringing awareness to every single moment, bringing this experience of the world that has a lens of pleasure, experiencing pleasure through all five senses. So to be sensual is to be truly connected to, and aware of, your internal world and your external world. When I say “mindfulness”, what I mean is really checking in with your thoughts (your internal world), and this is where things like checking in your conditioning, checking in with your self-talk (any self-sabotage, that inner critic, that inner cheerleader), and having the awareness of that side of you. It’s also about mindfulness in … you know, the most common use of the word mindfulness is about your external world and actually becoming aware of your external world, so this is the senses, this is where the actual SENSE part of sensual comes in. What can I taste? What can I touch? What can I smell? What can I see? What can I hear? Being of the senses, mindful and aware, because I think that so often we are just totally in our own heads to a point where playing these stories we’re not aware of our thoughts but we’re kind of stuck in them, and at the same time we are just blocking out our sensory experience of how amazing that grape tastes because I’m paying attention to it, how beautiful that sun feels on my skin, how amazing cookies smell that are baking in the kitchen and really being of the senses. So the first expression of sensuality, in my definition, is mindfulness — to be deeply connected to, and aware of, your internal thoughts, as well as your external world (the senses).
Then the next expression is body-love, and this is to be truly connected to, and aware of, and also highly appreciative of your own physical body. So body-love is something that comes up for me a lot, a lot, a lot. I work predominantly with women. I do work with men as well (so men, come at me if you’re interested in coaching), but I predominantly work with women, I have a lot of experience working with women and I know that our relationships with our bodies is often very very frail. Body-love is such an important component of being sensual and of sensuality because it is taking that awareness of your body, that connection to your physical body and that appreciation of it — for what it can do for you, for what it does for you, for everything that it is in this moment. When I talk about Sensual Yoga in the next episode I’m going to be sharing a lot about why I created it, but a huge reason is because too often I was seeing women really sort of killing themselves trying to change their bodies, or always hoping for a different version and longing for this future version of themselves. To me, sensuality is being able to drop in to your body, and to revere in it and to really honour it. This is not only honouring the external, but the internal, and this where I teach on menstrual cycle awareness and really understanding the seasons of your body. And of course, this is where movement comes in for me with Sensual Yoga, being able to move and express your body, and almost sending your body a love letter through movement. So to be sensual is to have a profound sense of connection to, and appreciation of, your physical body.
Then the third expression of sensuality (in my definition) is empathy. And I know that often people kinda look at me sideways when I say that empathy is part of sensuality, and the reason that I include empathy is not only because societally we just need to all practice a lot more empathy, but for me empathy is an ability to sense how others are feeling. It’s an intuitive awareness and understanding beyond the self, so if we’re thinking sensuality, of the senses, awareness, “Okay, how can I take that outside of myself?” We’re communal beings; we operate the best when we are surrounded by community. We need people to survive, we aren’t just lone ships in the night, and I know that in the self-help/self-development/personal growth world it can be a lot of the me-me-me show. While I will definitely get on that bandwagon, and I will definitely encourage you to do the internal work and to put yourself first a lot of the time, it’s so important that we consider the other people in our lives as well and cultivating those relationships. So empathy for me is such a huge one — to be able to intuit how other people might be feeling, to put ourselves in their shoes, and treat each other with the kindness and respect that we would want to receive as well.
So to be sensual is to be mindful, is to have a sense of body-love, and to be empathetic. It’s definitely wrapped up in the senses a lot, and I will be sharing in future episodes all about how you can engage the five senses to really cultivate that sense of inner sensuality and connection with yourself and your body, and we would ALL do better to engage our senses a lot more and to bring that sense of mindfulness to every single day.
A huge question that I get asked is “What’s the difference between sensuality and sexuality?” To me, there is a huge difference and there’s a huge crossover. So I believe that sensuality is both entirely independent of, and also deeply intertwined with, sexuality. I think that you can be a sensual person in ALL facets of your life, in all three expressions of sensuality, without the standard equation of sensuality = sexuality. But, an inherent byproduct of increased sensual awareness — this connection to your internal world, your external world, to your body, to others — is clearly always, always going to lead to an enhanced connection with your sexuality and your own sex life. So by embracing the idea of sensuality being a heightened sense of awareness of your senses, of the appreciation for your body, and the intuitive connection that you are cultivating with others through empathy, it’s absolutely inevitable that your sex life will be enhanced, along with many many other aspects of your life, and this is why I believe that sensuality is so important for us all to really cultivate and work on and uncover, really tapping into this. So not only because sensuality is going to help you have better sex, but it’ll just help you connect more with yourself, with your body, and with others.
So I hope that makes sense in terms of what sensuality means, and why it’s so important for me personally and why I believe it’s so important for all of us to connect with. You know, so often we are living like one of my clients actually mentioned to me once, she said she feels numb from the neck down — she felt like she was operating from her head only, and that she was living up in her head (thinking, thinking, thinking) all the time, and she kind of just totally forgotten about her body. Maybe she went out and bought the clothes, and put the things on her face, and blah blah blah — the things, makeup, you know what I mean — but it’s almost like she was just sort of putting stuff, like sticking it over the top of this thing that she wasn’t connected to (the thing being her body), and the more that I work with women especially, but everybody I think can resonate with this in some way, and maybe this is you as well … I think so many of us are numb from the neck down. So many of my students have told me that they just don’t have a relationship with their body. They either won’t look at it in the mirror, they just ignore it, they might go to the extent of trying to change it or enhance it or do all these things on top of it, but they’re not really getting into their body. Does that make sense? There’s this difference. I’m almost imagining like those paper dolls that had those little outfits that you’d kind of clip onto them, and you could change their outfits but it’s just flat and you’re just kind of putting this stuff on top. Like a bandaid, you know, “If I buy those clothes or those shoes or that handbag” or blah blah blah, and then even to the extent of “If I have this car or this career or if I had that person in my life” or whatever, that will fix what’s going on or that will mask — and this is not the conscious thing that we’re like “Oh, where’s my mask?” but it is covering — something that we haven’t explored yet.
And so by actively cultivating, working to cultivate our sensuality, this is giving us a way to connect with our bodies again, and to honour them from the inside out, not just this external meat suit and what it looks like and what I believe it should look like for me to be accepted by society and western beauty standards and all that bullshit … but actually honouring and connecting and feeling pleasure again, and thinking more about “How can my body move? How can I express it?” — I’m kind of waving as I do this, it’s something that I do often when I talk about sensuality, my body just wants to move and wave and circle and flow. This is why I believe sensuality is so powerful because it allows you to connect to your body in a way that a lot of things don’t, because look at western fitness — the traditional fitness industry, it’s very much about the external. Yes it feels great, and it’s amazing for our bodies to move and exercise, and we know how important it is to have movement in our lives, but a lot of the time we’re focusing on the external and we tell ourselves, “I have to go for a run because I ate a muffin” and all that kind of stuff. But really when you allow yourself to just connect into your body and explore it, and really connect to your senses — to feel, to sense, to taste, to touch — it’s like living in technicolour. Everything just kinda gets dialed up, all of sudden you’re aware of how amazing things feel. You’re aware of how amazing things smell. How they taste, they sound. I always forget another one, but you know what I mean (you’re probably yelling it at me right now) … but I believe sensuality is the key to really living a fully expressed life because when you are connected to your senses, again, it’s like technicolour, everything’s just a little bit more vibrant, a little bit more rosy.
And that’s what I want for you; I want you to feel so connected, so juicy, so vibrant, and live life in technicolour. So that is what I believe sensuality to be and why I believe it’s so important, and I hope that that resonates with you. And, on this podcast, we’re going to explore all the different ways and all the different facets of sensuality, and how to bring sensuality into your life as almost a default setting, to live sensually. That is my aim for you.
Thanks for listening to The Sensuality Academy podcast. Don’t forget to subscribe in your podcast player so you never miss an episode. Remember, it’s free to subscribe. You can follow my sensual musing over on instagram (@eleanorhadley). And, if you’d like to tap into your five senses, to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love, check out my free five-day challenge, Journey to Self Love, at eleanorhadley.com/journey. Enjoy!
